Happy Third Trimester 🙂 or what was probably the shortest third trimester ever. As I’m sure everyone is well aware, Jaxson (IT’S A BOY!), came much earlier than we could have ever anticipated but I suppose that is a story for another time. But on that note, man will I miss being pregnant! It was literally the best experience of my life and I even loved labor/delivery despite the 11 weeks early ordeal! However, I can’t deny that getting to watch this little guy grow is crazy amazing – so somehow, I have no complaints. Even though my pregnancy ended early, I don’t feel like I am missing out which is a relief. It is kind of neat to watch this nugget grow from the outside and somehow feel like I’m scoring extra time with him as he continues to grow to full-term but you can bet that we can’t wait till the day we get to take him home.

I’m going to continue writing because not only do I feel like it would be beneficial to me but it is an easy way to update family and friends that I can’t speak to every moment of the day. Especially being at the NICU, I don’t have as much time to be updating everyone individually because truthfully, I’d rather stare at this baby all day long!

This particular post will still be geared towards prior to Jaxson’s arrival and my baby shower but labor/delivery, post-partum, NICU and Jaxson updates will definitely follow soon. I just feel like I want to finish my “pregnancy” related posts so I can look back on the entire journey.

Here we go:

Weeks 28 to 29, Baby Messore was the size of an eggplant/acorn squash (14 or so inches in length and around 2 1/2 pounds). The week of the 28th we had my baby shower and it was literally PERFECT. Thinking back, it was so ironic how adamant I was about having my shower as soon as I entered my third trimester, but thankfully I didn’t let anyone change my mind. Not only because Jax decided to come early but because I was so comfortable, felt fantastic and was able to enjoy every single second. Thank you God!

Thank you endlessly to my Mama and my friends who made my shower literally everything I could have dreamed it to be, it was exactly what I envisioned. You guys are the best!!!!!!! Also, a big thank you to everyone who celebrated with us and for everyone who contributed to making sure Baby Jax had everything he needed for his prompt arrival. I’m sure he’ll love all the gifts once he is able to actually use them!

Most of the photos are posted on Facebook but here are a few:

Now for the not so good, Tuesday May 15th I had called the doctor at work to discuss some symptoms and he scheduled an emergency appointment which then had me sent and admitted into the hospital. Not my best Tuesday, that’s for sure. Basically in easy terms I suddenly became at risk for pre-term labor. Despite having no risk factors or any reasons for this to happen. I was healthy and so was this baby. Blood pressure, placenta placement, sugar levels, cervix – all perfect. Yet somehow, this baby was apparently trying to escape. At 28 weeks that wasn’t exactly considered ideal. I stayed in hospital for the remainder of the week so I could be closely monitored. I was then discharged contingent on bed rest because I showed no progression or signs that I would necessarily be in active labor anytime soon (or so they thought) . No lifting, limited walking (aka bathroom breaks and food) and if I noticed any additional or increase in current symptoms, back to hospital we go. I of course did my research and discovered that babies are born early more often than I knew and sometimes there just isn’t a cause. Our family and friends helped us tremendously during this time (big thank you to everyone) but as you all know, within a few days back to the hospital I went. Our guess is Jaxson just couldn’t wait for all his new stuff. Even thought the past few weeks required a “new plan” we have had more help than we could ever have expected. So thank you, again, to everyone who has stepped up to make this easier on us. We beyond appreciate it!

Since Jaxson came early, we weren’t able to attend all of the hospital education classes but I’m so glad we still were able to make it to one before Jax “escaped”! We were able to take the following:

• Caring for mom and infant – this class was repetitive in regards to information. Naturally I read everything and anything relating to what I’m going through in life so sitting in the class I didn’t learn anything new. However, it was a lot of fun and what made it better is Aaron and I did it together. We were the best swaddlers in class 😉 and pro diaper changers.

Before his arrival, we had most things in order. His pediatrician was picked out, I met with human resources to discuss maternity leave, baby shower was completed and I managed to squeeze in a mini pregnancy photo shoot (for my bump date) that I’ll have to settle for since I won’t be getting a big maternity shoot – but the pictures are just as great just a smaller belly than it might have been! Aaron wouldn’t have done a photo shoot because that just isn’t his thing anyways so I’m just so happy I was able to complete my checklist before he came because at least I don’t feel like I missed out on a single thing. Although I enjoyed every extra pound, from what I hear, the last week or two are brutal. I was lucky to not have many pregnancy symptoms that everyone complains of even though in my head I probably would have loved those weeks too but I’ll take what I can get and just be grateful we both are doing alright despite the situation.

Here is his last photo shoot in womb (knee and hands in his face, of course) –

Health –

• Three hour glucose came back perfect 🙂 no diabetes for this girl. Somehow I still felt great (health wise) despite a hospital scare and the whole pre-term labor situation. I was honestly so blessed to not have morning sickness, no backaches or body pain and able to sleep perfectly through the night. I felt so comfortable in this pregnancy and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. I think that is why I’ll miss being pregnant. I honestly believe I felt less tired and healthier growing a human inside of me than I do not being pregnant. How strange is that. Pregnancy/labor/delivery will always be one of favorite things, ever. If we were rich and they could find a cause to my pre-term labor I’d do it 1,000 more times. I never knew so much happiness could exist. Pregnancy literally makes you feel like super woman!

Emotions –

I sometimes think I need someone to pinch me because I feel like this life is a dream lately. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve this little life of mine but I’m so so so thankful. Getting to do this life with my husband, in our little home, is just my dreams coming true. How could I feel anything but happiness even in these unplanned circumstances. I know that having Jaxson early might not have been in my plans but I could literally stare at him all day and I feel so much peace getting to physically look at and hold him. I’m not sure if I am just in shock or if sadness might come later but right now, I still feel content even in the midst of all this scary, unknown and unpredictable stuff. So even though my emotions still seem to be in check. I’m a little nervous for this whole post-partum stuff because I know it’s very common to experience moodiness, sadness and anxiety so that will definitely be a challenge since those aren’t common emotions for me. But having a preemie and dealing with all the unplanned stuff, who knows how I’ll adjust. Fingers crossed I’m so wrapped up in the love I have for this little human and our little family that my mind can’t be bothered. However, if I experience the latter, I pray that the support of my husband and closest friends/family helps. ❤ I know from stories just how hard and how real postpartum can be. Crossing my fingers.

Caution – the following is not to offend anyone because I know that no one means any harm, however this is the one thing that has been challenging for us so I felt it was necessary to discuss as I would with any other struggle we have. Hopefully this will answer the questions everyone has about preemies and calm their thoughts as well. If not, then google away my friends (at your own risk lol)…

So, the only challenge we have faced with this journey is the emotions and reactions from others. I hope this is my only rant (aside from the not finding out the gender) that I will ever have but it just baffles me how despite everything we have experienced this is by far, the ONLY thing that has causes us stress. I sometimes think that maybe I should bite my tongue (recommended by my husband – sorry!) but I just can’t. Firstly, because I am an honest human and I don’t plan on sugar-coating things now just because times are tougher and secondly, holding it in will just cause me to burst later on which would be entirely pointless. So here is my angry rant that I am somehow even grateful for because if this is our only struggle right now, I’ll take it.

I think if one more person asks when do we get to take him home, how much does he weighs or tell me I’m lucky for the peaceful nights…. I might literally snap. (I’m only being slightly dramatic because I KNOW everyone means well but on my dramatic note come on people, think before you speak!) The truth is, we get to hold him whenever we desire (almost 7+ hours a day between the two of us), change most of his diapers (get pooped and peed on), take his temp and so on…I still wake up all hours of the night to pump and am up all day. I’m sleeping 3 to 4 hours a day if I am even lucky. If I’m not holding Jaxson, I’m either pumping, eating, peeing, cleaning (laundry can kiss my butt) or paying my bills. So I wouldn’t say I’m relaxing and “catching up on sleep” nor am I really at any disadvantage because of this situation because we get to spend so much time with him which is a blessing. Of course being home would be WAY more convenient and my house looks like a tornado went off because with the little time we are home it is almost impossible to keep up with but when is being a parent about convenience? You do what you have to do with the circumstances you have, the end.

Most importantly, for everyone who thinks being tiny means you are sick…. weight does NOT correlate to health nor does it determine when a baby can “come home”. Yes, the chubbier he gets we will noticeably get excited but it doesn’t matter if he is 4,5,8 or 10 lbs. He has to reach the basic milestones of a full term baby to take him home which scientifically he will do at the same rate (maybe longer) that any baby would gestationally inside the womb….so it takes time! So to be overly blunt, why in the world would we ever take our baby home prior to 36 weeks gestational..Yes, maybe some babies do get to come home earlier than this but geesh…let him grow, let him develop per schedule. He’s doing great – he can breathe on his own (thank you Beta shots) and the only real thing he has is his IV line and feeding tube which is literally a tiny tube down his nose into stomach because at his age a baby does not have the suck, swallow, BREATHE function. So completely normal! Not scary nor is it sad. It is expected and in a little bit of time he we develop that functionality too. Also, he is the weight and length he should be as if he were in my belly. So enough with the, oh he is so little or saying, oh he looks healthier. He is actually measuring perfectly and is not actually sick just a preemie, so it is absolutely okay everyone. I promise…

On the small chance we get to take Jax home before 40 weeks, great but I’m not counting on it and nor should anyone else. Of course we would love to be home and not in a hospital but it really isn’t much different. Like I mentioned above – I sit on a couch or a rocking chair, pump, eat and spend time with my baby all day long. Then go home for 7 or 8 hours at night to shower, clean, eat, pump and so on. Logically, some people have to go back to work after 6 very short weeks so this little time we are away from our baby is equivalent to being at work – so although driving into Providence daily isn’t the most enjoyable, it is no different from being away from your baby to work. So please don’t think we are losing time.

But why stop there, to continue my rant (lol)…people with full term babies worry about their child just as we do with a preemie. Yes, we might worry about different things but worries are simply just that, worries. So yes, our situation is different, but just because they are different doesn’t mean that a mother who stays up making sure their baby is breathing at night or when a baby gets their first fever/cold/ailment feels any less or more worry. Frustration is frustration. Sadness is sadness. Worry is worry. One situation should not get more sympathy than another because everyone handles stuff differently. This is currently our normal. Of course, it would have been grand to have a full term baby with no issues and be home but that isn’t what happened. So we will take these cards we have been dealt and be grateful for these moments.

So if you are one of those people who freak out please (with as much kindness as I can possibly have) stay away until your emotions are in check because unless we are crying, worrying or stressing regarding OUR child, we don’t need anyone else freaking out. Trust us, if there is a reason to be concerned – we will be, if we have a reason to cry – we will and if we need to freak out which I honestly don’t think there is ever a need to do so as it doesn’t accomplish or solve anything – we will.

So just have some faith because the last thing we need are people who are worried or freaking out. Be positive and embrace the situation – it’s more common than you’d think.

We will take all the help, the love, encouragement and little check in conversations we can get and we are more than grateful for all those who have stood by us and have done just that. We understand the concern and appreciate it to an extent but that isn’t who Aaron and I are. People handle hardships differently and that is just reality. At the same time, we love that everyone cares so much and we don’t want that to stop. We just need less of the pity and a little more strength from everyone.

So hopefully I have not offended anyone but please, think before you say something and let us be happy/enjoy our time with Jax. We aren’t saying to not be afraid or nervous of what is to come because we are all human. We get that the future is unknown but we shouldn’t have to be the ones comforting and reassuring everyone else right now – yet for some reason we have had to take on that role. Please just leave your uncertainties at the door cause that is literally the last thing we need right now.

This will be my final time (I hope) assuring everyone so screenshot this if necessary –

“We LOVE and APPRECIATE you all. We are thankful for your support and kind words. Baby Jax is doing alright and so are we.

So chin up people, this is going to be a LONG journey, so one day at a time. Xxx.”

End rant…and back to the normal post.

Currently Loving –

• All the water I can consume!
• All things neutral and earth toned
• Belly Growth
• All the kicks and wiggles – elbows, feet and everything I got to see poking through my tummy
• Sunshine
• Husband and this little nugget of ours

and I guess I can throw in the following now to –

• Labor and deliver – literally so so neat. Human body is incredible
• Meeting our little guy and spending so much time with him
• Our little family
• Support/help from all our friends and family (especially the little home cooked meals – y’all are the real heroes)
• “Grammie” for loving our dogs cause you really needed to add the work of two more to your tribe you already have at home…

Looking Forward –

• Finishing touches to Jaxson’s nursery
• Getting to watch our little nugget grow big and strong (outside of the womb now)
• Watching Jax accomplish all his little milestones
• Family coming up from Florida in July
• Jax growing his immune system so more friends and family can meet him
• Watching my husband love this baby has to be the best feeling on earth…seriously
• Bringing our baby home to meet our monster dogs haha

That is it for 28/29 weeks. I apologize for the emotional slightly dramatic long rant, run on sentences and lack of good grammar…but sometimes spell check isn’t our friend… This is probably the longest post ever so if you even read the whole thing you might be a saint.

Thank you everyone for your love and we can’t wait to share little Jax’s journey with you all.

XOXOX – Tiff